Operating Systems Ran The Airlines.......
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Everybody pushes the aeroplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again,jump on again, and so on ...
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
Quotes From Real Life Dilbert-Type Managers? ......
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
be used only for company business."
"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it."
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one
will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on
it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know
when it's time to tell them."
"My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that
only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and
she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected."
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When
I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss
work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change
her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
going to discuss it with the employees."
We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This
is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo mentioned
One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning
a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow
to ask for it!"
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said,"352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"